First of all, I haven't worn underwear since you left because I forgot how to pick them out for myself. If you need another reason to come home as soon as possible, there it is. You got me out in the streets free-clitin. No, I've been wearing underwear. I don't want you to think I'm flashing people around town to fulfill my need for thrills. I should get off that subject before I go on a tangent about how much I'd genuinely enjoy you choosing my underwear for me on the regular. (Cause you're right, you know you're right. I do like your obsessive tendencies. Today they're light blue and I have my hair in a braid over my shoulder. I'm wearing your old Kentucky hoodie and those tight jeans you like. You know, the high waisted ones with the yellow bandana patch on the booty. I'd totally rather be your Secretary than your Fifty Shades of Grey. Will you still love me when they're baggy girdles? Your choice of color, obviously.) Okay. Alright. Hey, baby. I godda start the actual letter and move on from my underwear before I get in a black hole of your perverse encouragement. I liked your art, I want you to keep all of it you can and bring it back so I can sit and go through it. And still send me one next time too. But there was a lot of- inspiration- in those paper weights. I really want to go somewhere with you and work at a pottery wheel, maybe we should just buy one ourselves and put a tarp down in my living room, but I want to help you and make something with you that we can glaze and fire and keep. We can Unchained Melody the fuck out of a vase. You're Demi, I'm Swayze. It's beautiful. I actually just Googled the lyrics and I had no idea they were "God speed your love to me." That's perfect, baby, you've been wanting to bring God into our sex life for a while now. But I'm glad you tried it all and I forgot to ask if you've been whittling too. Have you? I'll just cement a proper pottery wheel into the list of things I want to do with you (have you been reading that book, by the way? I forgot to ask that too) and you know there's a scroll at this point. Right now I can't focus far past immediate desires, and getting to see all your pretty tan lines didn't help sedate nothing. Thank you for writing me, and talking to me, and the Skype. You better love me to the moon and back because I love you and all your little dips and turns so much. I miss everything, but I miss touching the most. You know what I mean, when we're nose to nose and we don't have to say anything to make everything okay because just being close makes things better than okay, it makes them perfect. I make it seem so peaceful and nice but you know when I see you I'm going to sound like someone stepping on a rubber duck. I'm gonna to do that Notebook If You're a Bird I'm a Bird wiggle and run at you, but since it's us it's more like If You're a Turd I'm a Turd. Please imagine me yelling that and running full force at you. I know you love me and I know you miss me. Don't worry about me, I promise I'm alright. You keep pushin that card on me though and I'm going to go out and buy a pottery wheel or a car or a hooker. Probably a hooker, honestly. One with curly chest hair, in his early twenties. I'll call him Caleby and pay him to let me kiss his ankles. That's actually disgusting, I can't even go any further with that. You have the only ankles I wanna kiss. I have been using the card though, a little bit. Probably not as much as you want me to but I've been using it, I even had Postmates deliver some stuff once like you told me to do. It was very luxurious. What's the limit on this card? Can I withdraw? You're going to come back and I'll be in Nevada snorting coke off Caleby's forehead. That's what you get for messing around with a youngster, we steal your money and run off with hookers and get lost in desert drug dens. Now you know, sorry your heart got involved. Arrivederci! (I don't need a body to help me sleep, but thank you for being nice about it if I did.) That art and old people talk reminded me that I have my art class again soon. I'm gonna tell Miriam you said she was sexy. We're moving on from oils, with a stern blessing from Lloyd, and we're going to make suncatchers out of stained glass beads. I got a bunch of different sizes and shapes and colors, so they can design their own. I think it's the easiest thing we've done so far, you can't really mess it up. I'll tell Ada and Florence and Chance and Rosie and everybody you said hello. And I'm gonna tell Miriam you said she was sexy. Are you really sending me pressed leaves and flowers? I'd really like that, I can think of a dozen things I'd wanna do with them. They might look good in a collage frame, or you could help me glaze them over one of my sketch books I haven't started yet. Or maybe we could make a picture frame with some of them, for the picture you wanted for your office. I was going to give that to you for Valentine's but I'm having an interesting time figuring out your other gift so I might not get to making a frame. I guess I could buy one though, couldn't I? I'm literally listening to Unchained Melody now, I hate you so much. I hope you like the books I picked out, I got them off my shelve. I'm not sure I had a lot you'd really like, most of them are historical or art. The North Water is very dark, but very good too. Just be prepared if you wanna get into a real gritty tale. I think I've told you a bit about Simone de Beauvoir and Jean-Paul Sartre once, they're the philosophers who were in an open relationship. For sure try that one, they're one of my favorite historical couples. You don't have to bring them back with you if you don't want the weight, give them away and share the literary love. The Graveyard comics are actually an adaption of my favorite Neil Gaiman book though. You said comics so when I saw them I thought I'd send them instead of sending the actual book, cause to be honest baby, I got a little lost looking at comic books. And your gum! Do you know there's like three different things that could be "lime green extra" because there is. I figured you meant spearmint and not sour apple or key lime pie-- I love you. I hope this made you smile. And just so you know, it went right from Unchained Melody to Thunderstruck. That's about as manic as this letter is. I love you, I love you, I love you. I'll see you soon. Take care of yourself and try and have a little fun somewhere. Remember I'm there every good morning and every goodnight. Rock PS, I researched your bird. I think you've found a new species. Lock your windows and contact the authorities. (1 800 Jack Hanna, Animal Street Road, PO Box Yes I'm Still Alive I'm Jack Hanna.) PS PART2, Will you tell me a story? I miss your stories. |
